I’m wrapping up Week 6 (of 10) of Crossfit Delaware Valley’s “SOS” challenge.  There are four more weeks to go.  I’m seeing great improvements in my overall fitness, getting stronger and seeing/feeling hard muscles where there was once only softness (Holy crap, what is that THING on my arm???? Oh wait, it’s my long lost bicep muscle.)  My body is handling the stresses of the job better, especially the inconsistent sleep patterns. I went down a notch on my duty belt without discomfort and I think I need to take a pair of uniform pants or two to the tailor and get them taken in before winter hits.  I’m still amazed the scale has only gone down about six pounds, but when you look at this picture of 5 pounds muscle vs. 5 pounds fat, it put things into context.

This is where, in the past, I’ve let complacency and resentfulness get the best of me.  My typical pattern goes something like this: I’ve got 5 or less pounds to go to hit my “goal weight” (which isn’t even a term mentioned in this Challenge), I’m looking and feeling better, so what is one slip or cheat going to hurt?  One turns into another, and the next thing I know is I’m back to where I’ve started, or worse, never reaching my goal. I always justify it to myself: I’ve worked my ass off these past weeks, spending hours in the kitchen and the gym, don’t I DESERVE to have a night off and let loose? I’m only 5 pounds away anyhow, and that won’t be a problem when I get myself back on track.  The only problem is, I never get back on track.

The newness of everything is wearing off and the “honeymoon” phase of the challenge is coming to an end.  I have to drive on and not become complacent or resentful.  Although my habits are becoming part of my life, I still remember the old days of not having so much shit to do, doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Just like any other bad relationship—I’m remembering most of the good while thinking to myself the bad wasn’t THAT, bad…was it?  Maybe I should buy a pair of jeans two sizes too small and try them on once a day as a reminder of how bad things were.

Like many cops I know (and I’m definitely including myself in this category), when we’re told we “can’t” do something, what’s the first thing we run out and go do?  It’s like we are constantly in a state of teenage rebellion. I’ve got to keep tabs on myself, making sure I don’t turn into Veruca Salt (the book character, not the band). Right now if I want to keep improving, I can’t go out and eat pizza and drink Guinness unless it’s in my two hour “cheat window”.  That’s where the pouting and foot-stomping come in…I want an Oompa Loompa or Golden Goose (or piece of pizza, or Guiness) NOWWWW!!!!

I know, no one is perfect, so if I have a slip, get right back on track and drive on.  I get it.  If I could do that, I would have achieved my goals long ago and not had a need to participate in this challenge.

When it comes down to brass tacks, I need to quit my whining about eating real (not to mention good) food, exercising with a bunch of awesome people who support me, and being the fittest and healthiest I’ve been in years. This Veruca Salt just realized she already has her Golden Goose, and even better yet, it comes with a side of bacon.

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